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18 May 2016 @ 10:55 pm
Hello, personal and an announcement!  
Hello everyone!

It's been a while since I talked to some of you. Is everyone alive? How are you? How have you been? Personally and if I'm honest, I haven't been and am not all that well lately. Many things have been too much and many times I felt alone. I feel like I've been hurt and disappointed a lot recently. And I'm not talking about fandom or fandom friends, mostly at least. I've found some amazing people in fandom that I can gladly call my friends now. I'm really glad I have them because they're all that's keeping me relatively happy at the moment ❤❤❤
I don't want to be dramatic, and mostly I'm fine but I'm tired. Tired of hearing I'm not good enough, tired of hearing I should change, tired of hearing I'm unsocial, tired of hearing...well, a lot of things. All of them said to me by a very, very, very close person that I can't just distant myself to. I don't want to go into that because it's truly personal and I don't want to badmouth that person. Fact is, all of those accusations and more are making me question myself and I wonder lately if anyone is really interested in me and likes me for the way I am! If you add that KAT-TUN is basically...well, not a very happy fandom to be at the moment, especially as an Ueda Bias. So that's why I'm stressed, tired and sad a lot lately.
Anyway, I formerly only wanted to ask everyone how you've been. So how has everyone that hasn't talked to me in a while been lately? Who's still alive and active here?

Then I wanted to make an announcement: I made my own fanfic community here. If you like my fanfics, feel free to join Neverlands Fantasy here 😊
From now on I will post my fanfictions there and slowly move the ones from here to there. At the moment it's still empty and I'm not completely satisfied with the header but I still wanted to inform you already. I will use this journal for personal entries, fandom stuff and...whatever I feel like.

Hugs and Love to all of you ❤

Current Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
ladyc2ladyc2 on May 19th, 2016 12:23 pm (UTC)
Hugs. Hang in there, we all go through rough patches and question ourselves, but there is light at the end of the tunnel (and there are people who care about you). I guess it can seem especially frustrating when "happy escapist places" like fandom should be are also going through a rough patch at the same time.

I joined your new fic comm - I thought about that myself once but then I don't really make many (any) personal posts so it seemed kind of pointless. Plus I'm lazy :p

I do need to find a 3nin header for my lj though.

Other than that life's been pretty boring and lurky for me (I found a panfandom anon meme on dreamwidth that I've been spending far too much time reading rather than doing other things - it moves so fast). I need to get moving on my K8 fic exchange fic.

That's it from me.
kamedafankamedafan on June 22nd, 2016 10:44 am (UTC)

I'll finally answer your comment.I'm sorry it took me so long! I have no excuses.

Let me start with thanking you for your sweet comment *hugs* ❤
Yes, lately I just don't know why I have so many mood swings. It would take a lot to describe it...but I guess I feel lonely, incompetent and stupid most of the time. I hope once I manage to move out of my parents house again that it'll be a little better. And I hope to see more KAT-TUN soon again...this waiting is killing me XD

I saw. That makes me happy :D
Well, I don't know if I truly needed a fanfic community, but I think I wanted to be able to make personal posts :)

A 3-nin header...that's a nice idea. You couldn't find one? I mean there were two magazine shoots with 3-nin before the hiatus...

Oh, panfandom? But yeah, I get you. I need to get a move with my stories as well. Maa, in the end I'll be happy to read your stories whenever you share them :D

I'm glad you're fine and it's nice to hear from you ❤
sweetspicyhotsweetspicyhot on June 13th, 2016 01:50 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that I never replied to this post before. I know I am so late to be writing this comment, but I find you to be an extraordinary sweet, compassionate and talented person. Please don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you aren't good enough or that you need to change. I joined your comm today--please fill it with stories.

Hugs to you!<3
kamedafankamedafan on June 22nd, 2016 10:56 am (UTC)
It's fine dear, don't worry :)
I'm really happy you commented at all! Thank you for your sweet words ❤
It surprises me to hear I'm compassionate and talented but it's nice to hear that! I know I shouldn't listen to the person who tells me I'm not good enough, but if it's your own mother, that's kind of difficult to just ignore. I finally need to get my motivation and move out of my parents house again. But that's harder then it sounds XD

Yey, that makes me happy too! I'll try my best to fill it with good stories :D

Again, thank you for your sweet comment ❤